Coming home
by Minxheart
Summary: Set a couple of months after Nadia's death, it is a one shot between Erin and Voight and when she realises she needs to come home.


The first time she lied to Hank Voight, it was only a little thing. It was telling him, that she liked Pizza. It was the first proper meal that she had eaten for a week. Her mum had left her at sometime the week before and there was nothing in the house except some old bread that was green with mold.

So when she had been brought in to the 21st Precinct after being caught shop lifting, a 14 year old girl weighing 68 pounds Hank had taken pity on her. He'd seen her shivering on the floor of her holding cell, clutching her knees up to her chest. She was playing with her fingers and looked not like the head strong girl who had punched two of his officers and kicked a third in the balls. she looked like an innocent, little kid, a wounded animal trying to lash out to protect themselves. He'd ordered her some food, that transpired to be pizza and when he had brought it into her she had told him she had loved it as she hungrily devoured every last mouthful, just happy to be fed not caring that she hated the texture or the way it tasted in her mouth. The thing she cared about most was that she was finally having something to eat, though in typical Erin fashion she had initially told him that "She didn't need his help", that "She could look after herself", "She didn't require his pity" but she had caved pretty quickly and started stuffing into her mouth hungrily.

That was the first time, since this there had been many other times that she had lied to him, with just a few being the time that she had told Hank that she had got a B on her test at school when in fact she had achieved a D. The time when she told Hank was off the drugs, or that she had stopped seeing Charlie. And while those had been major nothing compared to the "I'm fine" that she replied to Hank when he asked her how she was holding up? And Hank knew it. He knew it from the way she bit her lip when she thought he wasn't looking or the way her eyes never made contact with his, how they they made contact with the floor. She knew he only wanted what was best for her, but she wasn't a kid any more and she didn't need his help, or so she told herself. Survival tip number one, never rely on anyone but yourself.

"Erin" Bunny's voice dragged her from her reminiscing and she was suddenly aware of where she was, in a dark shabby cheap bar. Sitting on a hard, tall bar stall and fueled by her desire to forget everything. She tipped back the glass that she was holding and the clear liquid poured into her mouth. She swallowed and pushed it toward Bunny who took the bottle of tequila from the shelf above and refilled it. No sooner had she refilled it but Erin grabbed the glass and downed the shot again.

"Erin are you sure you should-" Bunny started but Erin interrupted her by thrusting her glass across the counter again

"-Just pour" she stated in a monosyllabic tone and Bunny complied pouring another shot of tequila into her glass and Erin downed it.

"Baby I know she was your friend-" Bunny started but Erin cut her off again

"-Don't you dare" she stated lifting her head from the piece of counter top that she was staring at and fixed Bunny with a sad stare "Don't you dare start acting like a parent on me" Erin said loudly pushing the glass again toward Bunny. She obliged but fixed Erin with a hard stare "I'm here to get a drink and nothing more" Erin replied waiting a couple of seconds before downing the shot again.

"Oh for goodness sake Erin I'm doing my best, I apologized what more do you want?" Bunny replied irritated.

"Just keep pouring" she replied and she lent over the bar and grabbed a beer from under the counter. It was a mark of how many times as a child she had spent here that she was able to perform this task without knocking over a single bottle. She grabbed the beer opener from the side and uncapped it and took a swig from it.

"Erin please-" she started

"-what part of, I don't want to talk don't you get?" Erin asked angry

"You came here for a reason Erin!" Bunny said wiping down the work surface of the bar smugly. But Erin's retort soon wiped the smile off her face

"I came cause your the most irresponsible person I know and anywhere else would cut me off" she snapped swigging from the beer bottle. Surprisingly Bunny shut up at this and didn't comment, instead she just grabbed a shot glass for herself and poured the tequila into it and downed it in one.

"You know Erin, if you keep pushing me away one day I'm not going to be here" Bunny said.

"Are you serious?" she replied "Are you being serious right now". A burning sensation filled her stomach, something that she assimilated with rage and she took another swig of beer.

"You know what, I'm done" she said getting up throwing down some money on the counter.

"Erin, baby stop" Bunny grabbed her wrist but she shrugged it off.

"Get away from me" she hissed retracting her arms back to her body. She turned rapidly and stormed out of the bar slamming the flimsy wooden door behind her. It was dark outside, the sky was a wash with infinite darkness with peppered white dots of stars and a crescent moon hanging low in the sky. The street lights scattered at regular intervals on the pavement illuminated the grey paving slabs. Erin walked quickly when she left the bar down the virtually empty street. She put her hands into her black hoodie pocket and as she passed the first street light she took a left down a narrower side street away from the more prying eyes that over looked the bar.

The street she turned into too was littered with houses however these were a lot quieter and the lights were already out on many of them. Again she didn't feel much like staying here and turned right as soon as she could into a smaller narrower alley

She paced angrily stumbling slightly owing to the alcohol intake. She took a right for 3 minutes then a left for 4, then another right, and before long she was aware how completely lost she was, as she sank to the floor of the darkened alley she had turned down. There was darkness all around, absolute and complete nothingness. She wrapped her arms around her legs as she tucked them up to her chest. It had started to rain not that she had noticed. Her mind had gone numb as she stared at the alley's other wall, she didn't want to think about what had happened.

Before she knew it her body was soaked to the core and her body was shivering. A small tear clouded her right eye and ran warm down her cheek. She'd gone over every senario, everything she could, should have done differently. If only she hadn't told Nadia her birthday. If she hadn't pushed Nadia to go down her path? If she had let Nadia accept the job in the shop that the people at Rehab said was coming her way? Once the tears had started they wouldn't stop. She didn't know what she wanted any more. All she knew was that the last time she had felt like this she was 14 wasted and high on whatever drugs she could get her hands on.

Click,Clack, Clack, Click, Clack the sound of heels caused her to turn her head as a woman in her mid 40's walked down the alley she was in. Her blonde hair was curled tight up into a bun, with lipstick, to match her eye shadow, that matched her skin tone. She was the image of perfection every part of her was neat and tidy and shone higher class, even the cigarette she puffed on made her seem more sophisticated. Erin didn't respond but she heard the lady tut as she threw the cigarette on the ground right next to Erin's feet.

"Waste of space" the woman muttered as she tossed the cigarette and stamped it out. She continued on not even acknowledging Erin's presence. It was the first time that Erin was truly aware of the low life junkie alcoholic she had become. In effect she had become her mother, and it wasn't a good look on her.

She aware of the pain that was inflicting her heart, aware that she had become everything that she had sworn she wouldn't grow up to be. She was in perhaps one of the lowest points of her life and comforting arms of her mother should be all that a person should ever need to feel safe, and yet the arms of her mother was the exact person who was making her feel this way. She wanted, no. She needed Hank. She coughed as her body tried to make it off the ground, into a standing position, and started to walk following the alley to its end and onto a busier unfamiliar street, bright street lights dazzling her eyes. It was 11 o'clock at night and yet there were still lots of people moving around on the street. Erin's emergence hadn't startled anyone despite her soaking wet appearance.

An elderly woman approached her walking surprisingly quickly "Exuse me" Erin stuttered her voice shaking from cold. The woman ignored her and walked even faster away

"Exuse me" Erin tried again to the next passer by a younger man this time probably in his early thirties, still she was ignored.

"Please" Erin whispered. She had no money, no phone and only the clothes on her back.

"Mam Please" she tried at another woman, but still they ignored her. _How ironic_ she thought _They don't trust me because I'm an addict but the reason I want them to stop is to stop me being one._ Not that anyone stopped being an addict the urge just dulled a bit but the compulsion was still there in the back of your mind. A tear started to run down her cheek as she started to give up hope that anyone would stop.

"Exuse me" this time it wasn't Erin that spoke it was an elderly woman her grey hair bone dry as she stood under a large umbrella "Exuse me miss are you alright?" the woman asked. Erin's eyes looked up and connected with her's

"Can I borrow your phone please?" she asked and the woman looked a little wary but handed the old flip phone over nonetheless. Her hands shook as she keyed in the familiar 10 digit phone number from memory not even having to think about it. The woman saw her hands shake and put it gently on her arm as Erin pressed dial and brought the phone up to her ear. _Ring_ Erin took a breath trying to compose her own emotion. _Ring_ what would he say? He'd want to hear from her right? He loved her, didn't he? _Ring_ what if he didn't? What if he didn't want her anymore? What if he told her to get lost? Told her that she had chosen her life and she should stick to it? She didn't think she could take that rejection, not after Nadia... _Ring_ She shook her head, what was she doing? It wasn't fair, she had made her choice. She had chosen the life she would lead she was born into bad news, she was bad news. _Ring_ Erin hung up quickly and rapidly handed the phone back to the woman

"Thank you" she replied quickly and made as if to walk off

"Wait miss" The woman grabbed her wrist and Erin flinched turning round "Miss are you ok?" the woman asked and Erin nodded.

"Fine, I just... Sorry for disturbing you" Erin quickly removed her wrist from the woman's hand and quickly made to start walking away,she looked round long enough to see the woman looking confused before quickly the woman followed. She made a point to purposefully overtake Erin and stop in front of her and handed the phone out to her. Erin eyed it warily not wanting to take it.

"Chances are Honey, whatever you've done, they will just want you home" the woman said handing the phone to Erin who shook her head

"You don't know what I've done" a tear fell down her cheek, as she said this. The woman gave her a motherly smile

"Unless you try how will you know?" she asked hitting redial on the phone in front of her and placing it into her palm. Erin heard the faint ringing noise it made as it sat on her palm. Shaking she lifted it up to her ear.

 _"Voight"._ He answeredand Erin froze. _"Hello"_ he asked and Erin couldn't say anything but choked on a sob. _"Who is this? Are you ok?"_ he asked _._ The woman gave her a reassuring nod for support and encouragement.

"Hank" she whispered her voice so quiet she didn't know if he had heard her "Hank" she repeated louder "I want to come home please".

 _"Erin"_ his voice was chocked she noticed. _"Kid is that you?"_ her teeth were chattering but she nodded

"I want to come home Hank. I'm so sorry for everything, I'm so cold and tired" the woman opposite smiled again

 _"Where are you calling from?"_ Hank asked

"A woman's cell, I don't know where I am" she whispered "I just want to come home" she could hear vaguely on the other end of the phone Hank yelling at someone, "Hank?" Erin whispered cautiously.

 _"I'm still here kid, Ok, I'm still here,"_ he replied his voice soft. _"I want you to hand me to the woman you are with, can you do that?"_ Hank asked. Erin removed the phone from her hear and shakily handed out in front of her. The woman looked confused before taking the phone back and placing it to her ear. She nodded as she looked across at Erin, whose arms had taken to wrapping themselves around her body. The woman nodded to everything that was being said and 5 minutes later she hung up the phone. The two of them stood in silence Erin shivering whether it was from the cold or from the alcohol she didn't know what. 9 minutes after the phone call had ended. Headlights glared bright in the darkness illuminating the two figures, casting Erin suddenly into the light. The black SVU stopped quickly and Hank got out. A look, was all it took one look at his dark brown eyes and she suddenly felt relaxed, at peace, like for the first time since had quit her job, it was all going to be ok.

"Hank" Erin whispered, his arms wrapped around her suddenly and her arms followed suit, removing them from her own body and wrapping them round him. "I'm so sorry" she whispered, "I'm so sorry". The tears were uncontrollable when she saw him, burying her head into his black t-shirt like she did when she was 15 years old. He gently started to pull away "Come on Kid let's get you in the car" He said gently leading Erin to the passenger door, after opening the door and seeing that she got in safely he shut the door he turned to the woman. "Thank you" Hank said, and then taking from his pocket a wad of cash held it out to her "Thank you" he repeated but the woman shook her head.

"Sir I can't take that" she said quickly

"Please, as a thank you" he said, the woman still looked unsure "Please, it's the least you deserve" he said and this time the woman nodded and took the money.

"Thank you" Hank repeated again. Erin's head lent against the window still shivering, looking up briefly as Hank got in the car. He turned the heating up and they drove in silence down the dark streets till they reached Hank's house. He parked the car on the drive way and helped Erin out of the car. He unlocked the door and Erin followed quietly as he led her to the bathroom. He sat her down on the toilet seat lid and started to run her a bath, experience with Justin when he was sick had provided him many years of invaluable experience. It was important that because of how cold she was it wasn't extremely hot as he was aware it would send her body into shock. However it needed to be warm enough to increase her body temperature and judging by the look of her it needed doing pretty soon. He added a moderate amount of bubble bath and swirled it round. He turned off the taps

"Hank I'-" Hank cut her off

"-Kid we'll talk later just get warm" Hank said placing a kiss on her forehead before leaving her, respecting her privacy. Erin removed her clothes, she still felt numb, nothing really felt real. She lowered herself into the water and felt the benefits of it's heat almost immediately. She closed her eyes and relaxed allowing the warm water to soak every part of her body "Kid dry clothes outside the door" Hank said after gently knocking on the door. Once she felt a comfortable sense of warmth she pulled the plug from the bath and wrapped the towel around her and opened the door. She grabbed the clothes he had left for her and pulled them into the bathroom. They were a plain black top and jeans just a couple of items she had left from the last time she had stayed over. Hank liked to keep some of her stuff around the house, for a girl who never really felt like she had a home growing up, it was a way that Hank tried to remind her that she always had one with him. She changed into them and toweled her wet hair relatively dry and left the bathroom.

"Hank" she called tentatively

"In my study kid" he called and Erin walked down the stairs quietly her arms crossed over her chest. as she went through the living room and into his private study. He looked up from his work as she entered.

"How are you feeling kid?" he asked as she stepped into his office her head down and not looking at him.

"Better thanks" she replied "Embarrassed, but I feel better thanks". She walked forward and gently perched on the edge of his desk.

"I'm sorry" she muttered. "I lost it, I couldn't cope and I messed up. I let you down. I'm sorry"

Hank nodded his head "Look at me" he said in a calm concerned tone. She didn't meet his eyes. "Kid, look at me" he said extending his arm and lifting her chin to meet his gaze. She did so reluctantly still not wanting to meet them, still feeling like she didn't deserve to meet them.

"You went through a hard time, Nadia's death..." he trailed off as she hissed slightly at her name. "But next time, I'm your first call kid. I told you when I took you in we trust each other, we confide in each other, and you broke that rule. I'm not going to forget that, and we can go over tomorrow what that means, and how we are going to get you on your feet again, but for now you look as if you haven't eaten in days and I'm hungry, so what do you say we order pizza and watch a movie?" he asked in a fatherly tone placing his hand on his arm.

"Hank I have a confession to make." She looked down to the ground and Hank looked surprised as she muttered "I actually don't like pizza". His other hand placed itself on her arm and she chuckled

"Since when?" he asked

"Since always" she muttered self-consciously running her hand through her hair. He chuckled again

"Chinese?" Hank asked and Erin smiled and looked up at her foster dad getting up from the desk and nodded.

"You want to grab the menu?" Hank asked and Erin nodded. She got half way across the room before she felt his arms wrap around her and pulled her to him.

"I'm glad your home" he said gruffly and Erin let herself relax for the first time in the last couple of months because,

 _she was home._


End file.
